18 Days and Counting!

Meghan posted about how she is jumping the gun a little bit and getting her house all ready to go for the holiday season, despite the fact that it’s not yet Thanksgiving and that it was 70 degrees today.

I am so right there with her.

I love Christmas. I LOVE Christmas. It’s not so much the presents I get into, because I am generally not a good gift-giver, and it just represents a stressful test of how good of a family member/friend I am. And it’s definitely not the religious aspect that gets me excited, because that is just not my thing. Instead, I fully embrace Christmas in its commercialized glory, and it’s the “Christmas spirit” that permeates the air when the season rolls around that I love the most.

The decorations are part of what makes it special. And by “decorations,” I mean that every available surface in my house is covered with a festive stuffed animal or lights or something equally delightfully tacky.

This will be my first Christmas in my new house, and I am so excited to decorate it for the first time. I haven’t actually begun the decoration process yet, but I have started buying things for it. My first item were cute plastic placemats from Target. (Oh, Target, it gets me every time.)

On the outside of the house, sure, I do go for decorations that are vaguely tastful–white lights and a wreath with a big red bow. Inside, though, classy can kiss my ass. Inside belongs a Christmas tree with a thousand different types of clashing ornaments (including things like an Edward Cullen keychain and a toy doll of the character Frolo from Hunchback of Notre Dame and a variety of ornaments my sister made using shrinky-dinks. Lights are multi-colored.

And while we do have a nativity scene, it’s because it was a family heirloom that belonged to my grandma–and last year, we had a collection of red, white, and blue democratic donkeys sitting on top.

Christmas music is another huge part of what makes it so delightfully special. I love Christmas music, religious or commercialized, obscure or mainstream. I know it all, and I love it all, which the possible exception of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” which is the only song that truly grates on my nerves. There is nothing more delightful than spending a couple of hours baking while listening to Christmas music non-stop. Actually, there is nothing more delightful than listening to Christmas music non-stop, period. Back when I was in choirs, there were always Christmas choir concerts, as well, including the Vespers service at Wellesley which was nothing short of magical, every single year.

The baking–oh, the baking! I take an immense amount of pride in creating a huge, delicious array of festive Christmas goodies. Baking is one area where I actually get competitive, so I get very excited about trying to create The Best Damn Platter of Christmas Desserts You Have Ever Seen.

And then there is the entertainment. I love, love, love Christmas episodes of my favorite TV shows. The West Wing has “In Excelsis Deo” and “Noel,” Remember WENN has “Christmas in the Airwaves,” X-Files has “The Ghosts Who Stole Christmas,” and the list goes on. Even iCarly apparently has a Christmas special which my sister and I are VERY EXCITED to watch. There are the movies, too, like White Christmas, which we watch every year while putting up the tree and A Muppet Christmas Carol, which is positively epic.

I know it’s the fact that Christmas comes but once a year, and the season only lasts for so long, that makes it special in the first place. But oh, it is just so very special that I can’t help but wish it started a bit earlier.

Only two and a half more weeks until Thanksgiving, and the Christmas season is officially permitted to begin!

Dear Television

My sister and I watched two episodes of Pushing Daisies tonight. We still haven’t watched the last three episodes of the show (I’m still having a little trouble letting go), and so we’re re-watching all the episodes in preparation for watching the final three.

It’s been a while since I’ve watched Pushing Daisies, and I’m remembering that I love Pushing Daisies so much that it makes me feel like I will never love another TV show again. How could any other show even compare? Why do other shows even try when their executive producers have the knowledge that Pushing Daisies once existed, and was so perfect?

Not only is there nothing else on TV that comes close to Pushing Daisies, there’s hardly anything that I’m even really enjoying at this point.

Both my former favorite shows and the newcomers are letting me down. And so, my shows, a few words for you.

The Office
I don’t even know what to say to you. The Office, I did a podcast for almost THREE YEARS because of how much I loved you. And now I just wish you would die already.

Mad Men
You only have one more episode left in this season, so I’m here to tell you that this past season has been the most over-hyped nonsense ever. The decision to let the season’s major story arc revolve around Betty was a huge mistake, given that the character is completely dull. Matthew Weiner, it is clear you are so caught up in creating “art” that you have forgotten how to write a good TV show. My sister said, “Remember when this show used to be about advertising?”

Glee
You had such amazing potential. I was fully prepared for you to be my new favorite television show. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that your writers weren’t notified of your potential. There are the little things that bother me (my sister is driven crazy by the fact that the cheerleaders wear their uniforms at all times) and then there are the big things, like the fact that there seems to be no plan for the development of these characters, and their actions are dictated by whatever whimsical fancy the writers had that week. I’m afraid it’s just not going to work.

So You Think You Can Dance
You are supposed to be my summer show, and now you’re in the fall. You have an awful new stage with strange new dancers on it, and I feel like I am watching a completely different show. THIS SHOW IS NOT HOME TO ME ANYMORE. And frankly, I am still bitter that Ryan Kasprzak is missing. Ryan was supposed to be on the show and make it to the top 10, so that he would go on tour, and I would get to meet him and give him my phone number.

Saturday Night Live
This show had some truly brilliant moments last season, even excluding the Tina Fey as Sarah Palin goldmine. But so far this season, there has only been one thing resembling funny, though, and that is Bill Hader’s James Carville impression.

I do salute you, 30 Rock and How I Met Your Mother, who both appear to be making dramatic rebounds after a season or more of being unfunny. I honestly didn’t think it was possible for a show to come back from the depths that How I Met Your Mother reached, but it has.

Also, a shout out to Ace of Cakes for always, always being there for me, even in reruns.

But overall, TV is really a letdown this season, especially when I watch something like Pushing Daisies and I’m reminded of how good it can be.

Is there a great show I’m missing out on? Is there anything on television that’s worth getting excited about?

Crazy Money-Saving Tips #1

This post is the first in what could possibly become a series, because, frankly, I could go on for a pretty long while with weird stuff I do.

If there is one thing that I am really good at doing, it is saving money. It’s not really an actual skill so much as it is a neurosis. Compulsion would be another word that one could use.

Starting in January, my sister is going away for an internship, which means I’ll lose the rent she pays me, and I won’t have her to split the utility bills with me. This means my money-saving compulsion will be out in full force.

Here are a couple of ways I will attempt, no matter how feeble to save money. Everything below is something I have actually already done.

Today, I present…in the kitchen.

Re-Use Plastic Containers
Because I take my lunch every day, I am always in need of a variety of sizes of plastic re-usable containers. Fortunately, I have a diverse collection old hummus containers, take-out containers, and the like which I use every day. I never let an opportunity to save plastic tupperware-like or glass packaging pass me by, and I never have cause to purchase Gladware. Although, my insistence on saving every single plastic container ever is landing me with an excessively large collection of 32-ounce yogurt containers. Anyone need any?

Re-Use Plastic Cutlery
Somehow, much like the plastic containers, my sister and I have accumulated a collection of “disposable” plastic cutlery. But rather than throw it away, we use it until it is completely, utterly unusable. And by “unusable,” I mean that it has snapped in two pieces. A spoon that’s slightly warped does not count–it can still be used to stir coffee! A fork missing one tine can still probably be used! Depending on what you’re eating!

Kroger Brand Organic Food
Okay, this isn’t crazy. It is awesome. Kroger has an organic line of almost food type. Most things are barely more expensive than regular Kroger brand items, but they are considerably less expensive than they would be at Whole Foods. And then, while you’re eating your cheap organic food, you can pat yourself on the back and feel both thrifty AND uppity.

Drink Tap Water
Get a reusable water bottle, and fill it up at your sink. I favor my Wellesley nalgene bottles, despite the fact that the BPA is probably giving me cancer this very second. Bottled water is the craziest money-stealing scam ever.

Stop Buying Meat
Meat is way, way, way more expensive than lentils (bought in bulk), beans, tofu, and nuts (bought in bulk, on sale). Plus, you know, the environment, health reasons, cows are cute, etc. The real reason behind all of it was my fervent desire to spend less than $40 a week at the grocery!

Also, Don’t Go Out to Eat
Like, ever.

It’s a spartan existence, what can I say. But I’m sure when I’m on my deathbed, I will look back on my life and say, “I am so happy I saved that $5 I could have spent on non-disposable cutlery and re-used plastic cutlery that regularly broke in two while I was eating instead.”

Does anyone else have crazy things they do to try and save money?

So I Think I Can Dance

To continue on the theme of performance and a lack of natural talent for just one more day:

I have said before on this blog that I am not a talented dancer. (Wow, four days into NaBloPoMo and I am already repeating myself.) My mom started me in dance because she recognized that I was a clumsy, uncoordinated kid, and she hoped ballet would train it out of me. But after years of dance, I still don’t have a good sense of balance. I can’t pick up choreography easily, or easily mimic my dance teacher. And I still do things like bang my head into the barre, which I did in class tonight.

I danced for years, throughout grade school and high school, because it was something I had always, and I never thought to question whether or not I enjoyed it.

Now, more than ever, more than all those years when I thought I was going to be a star on Broadway, I actually really love to dance for the first time. It’s something I chose for myself, and it means more, because of that.

One aspect I think I enjoy so much is that it sort of feels like I am back in school (and going to school will probably always be one of the things I do best). I attend a class, which challenges me. I come away from it with homework, whether my homework is to practice the choreography or to get my ass to the gym, because the dance costumes, oh, they are so small and fitted. And then, I’m also hanging out with a bunch of people in high school and college (and a few others who are finished with school).

Maybe it’s because I have to pay for it all now myself. No one who knows me would ever accuse me of being free and easy with money, so if I am going to hand over $50 a month for classes, plus the cost of costumes, tights, shoes, recital fees, and registration fees, to say nothing of the make-up, new sports bras, and dance clothes, I had better damn well be enjoying the crap out of myself.

But really, if I’m being honest with you, dear internets, all the bullshit that people say on “So You Think You Can Dance” about dance being a release and an outlet for your emotions and a form of expression–that’s all actually kind of true. I think the reason I love dance this time around is that I finally have the confidence to embrace it in such a way that I let it be all of those things for me.

Dance has become really the only consistent thing in my life that challenges me in a positive way, and makes me think when it’s over, hey, I really can’t wait for next week when I get to do this again.

And now, I promise, tomorrow’s post will not mention stages, dancing, performing, or music in any way.

I dreamed a dream

So, speaking of my obsession with musicals:

When people talk about their fantasy careers, the fantasy job I have had since the age of 10 was to be on Broadway.

When I was a silly, naive child, I thought that this might actually something I could pursue–hence the motivation behind going to a performing arts high school.

More recently, the other night, I had a dream that the Duggar family joined up with another wealthy person to support me in my dream of becoming a star on Broadway. They decided that they would pay for me to spend a year in New York, taking lessons and auditioning. The Duggars were apparently very committed to my dreams, because they were willing to give very generously to the cause.

But instead of being excited, my dream self was panicked. How was I to go about telling them that I would never be a successful Broadway star, because I pretty much sucked at what I wanted to do?

In high school and middle school, I was never cast in a role beyond the chorus. Any small amount of talent I may possess, I was too shy to ever actually demonstrate it.

Toward the end of high school, I came to the apparently far-from-obvious realization that if I was afraid to sing in front of people by myself, it’s possible I should not pursue a career in the performing arts.

During college, when my self-esteem quotient started to go up a little, I started finding other ways to satisfy my need to perform. I was able to coerce my friends a few times into participating in the lip sync competition. We killed the competition when we performed to Cell Block Tango from Chicago, and, though our performance of Shiver My Timbers from Muppet Treasure Island was a little more awkward, you know, given that we were dancing inappropriately to a song sung by Muppets, it was still halfway decent, as far as college lip sync competitions go. I mean, there was certainly no one else in the competition who was doing the splits.

Now, I have dance class, which allows me to get on stage twice a year and perform.

Sometimes I feel a little ridiculous about the fact that I’m going to be turning 27 in a few months, but I’m in a dance class with girls as young as 14. Sometimes I feel a little ridiculous when I think about the fact that I’m almost the age my mom was when she gave birth to me, but I am spending my free time squeezing into sequined costumes in order to do jazz hands on stage.

But all things considered, I feel like this is working out a whole lot better than my career on Broadway ever would have.

What happened to razzle dazzle?

The first time I saw a live Broadway musical performance was when the touring production of “The Phantom of the Opera” came to Louisville when I was nine or ten. I would say it was the Greatest Thing I Had Ever Seen, but that doesn’t begin to cover it. Over the next several years, it was followed by a stream of all your standard Broadway hits–Cats, Miss Saigon, State Fair, Les Miserables, A Chorus Line, Ragtime, and so on and so forth.

I spent my tween and early teen years with a love of musicals that was intense and dedicated and very, very real. For many years, musicals were all I listened to and took up a really disproportionately crazy-huge amount of space in my brain. When I say it was all I listened to, I am serious. My collection of CDs did not include anything beyond soundtracks to musicals until just after I turned sixteen years old.

I first saw Chicago on stage when I was 16 or 17, and I was absolutely entranced by it all. Fantastic music, and most of all, incredible dancing. I remember walking out of the theater and thinking that, my god, I needed to see that show again, as soon as possible.

When the whole going away to college situation took place, I my family and I fell out of the habit of going to see these touring productions of musicals. They seemed to have a less prominent place in my life after I graduated from my performing arts high school and went on to study history instead of the arts, though I wouldn’t say my love has ever really died.

I still feel dedicated to the concept of musicals. I was even able to finally see one actual show on Broadway (kiiiiiind of a lifelong dream come true), Avenue Q, which was delightful and wonderful, and may have very well ruined me for touring productions of shows to come.

I saw a touring production of Wicked for my last birthday, and maybe it was the fact that both the leads were played by understudies, but it seemed to lack energy.

Yesterday, I saw the musical “Chicago” with my family, and it was disappointing. The actress playing Roxie was absolutely perfect, but almost everything else was painfully less than. The dancing was sloppy, which is really not okay when you’re doing a show created by Bob Fosse, who was about as precise as it comes. The actress who played Velma barely seemed to know the choreography. I did not walk out of the theater thinking about how my life would not be complete until I saw the show again.

My sister speculated that perhaps this was a hastily mounted production of the show.

I wondered if I am better educated about dance, acting, and music now, and can more easily spot the mistakes.

But really, MAYBE now that I am older, I am becoming a curmudgeon, who gets so caught up in seeing what’s wrong, I don’t allow myself to get swept away in the magic of the show. Oh, SIGH, the laments of being a grown-up.

(Or maybe it was that that production really sucked.)

Halloween, Year One

Last night was my first Halloween in my new house.

I put a tiny bit of pressure on myself this year. I’m new to the neighborhood, and given that I am surrounded by so many vacant houses, I haven’t exactly connected with any of my neighbors. I am not exactly the type of person to go door to door and say, “Hello! I am your new neighbor and I bring you good tidings! Please like me!”

I just say the, “Please like me!” part in my head over and over again.

Most of the interaction I have with neighborhood children is when I tell them that they can’t pet my fluffy little cotton-ball looking circus dog, because, well, he doesn’t like strangers and that means, kid, that he doesn’t like you. Suck on that, junior.

So! Halloween was a time to show my face and and to demonstrate my friendliness through the mass distribution of free candy! And, maybe if people meet me and like me, they will stop throwing their trash in my yard! Dare to dream!

I went to Target and bought a plastic pumpkin bucket, and big bag of the good candy, as well as a second bag of disgusting multi-colored Twizzlers for my own enjoyment, because I love candy that is completely gross.

Abby came over for the fun, and I turned the porch light on and opened my blinds, and watched as trick-or-treater after trick-or-treater walked right past my house and didn’t think for a second about stopping to ring my doorbell. This led to me taking some things personally. First my neighbors throw trash in my yard and now they don’t stop to trick-or-treat?

So, Abby and I moved outside and sat on the porch, which really creates some pressure for the trick-or-treaters to stop. What, are you just going to WALK BY and ignore me as I sit here, ready to give you candy?

Then the flood came. Hoards of kids and parents I had never seen before were suddenly walking through my gate. I didn’t even care about the teenagers not even pretending to be dressed up. FISTFULS OF CANDY FOR YOU ALL!

So, I ran out of candy. Abby made an emergency trip to the grocery store where she purchased more bags of candy than we could possibly need. But, she said, she didn’t want us to have to worry about running out again.

The streams of children continued. And the overabundance of candy that Abby bought ran out sooner than we thought could be possible. The children kept coming until all I had left to hand to a teenager in sweapants was a single, tiny fun-sized Mr. Goodbar. We went back inside and closed my gate and I breathed a sigh of relief that we seemed to run out of candy just as the stream of children abated.

Approximately none of the kids I regularly see running around my street came trick-or-treating to my house, but a whole bunch of random kids I haven’t seen before did. I may not have had a chance to greet my neighbors, but I at least got the chance to greet a bunch of very enthusiastic strangers.

Next year, I will be prepared. I will be out on my porch with pounds and pounds of candy, and I will be ready and waiting with my treats in order to show my neighbors how much I appreciate them, in my own, very introverted, way.

* * * *

I have really good intentions of doing NaBloPoMo this month. Rather than National Novel Writing Month (because I haven’t felt the urge to write fiction since the age of 12, though I sometimes wish I would), it is National Blog Posting Month, and I am supposed to post in my blog every day of the month.

This springs from my desire to be more disciplined about shit in general, and not from a misguided belief that I actually will have interesting things to say every day for 30 days.  Thus, I respect the understandable desire you may possess to take this blog off your Google Reader for the duration.

Given my absurdly spotty record at posting to this blog, we will see how this goes. One day down, twenty-nine to go! My commitment so far is aces!

Keep Coming Back

So! Moving on from talking about one form of highbrow entertainment to another, we go from celebrating iCarly to Infinite Jest.

I set a goal for myself at the beginning of 2009 to finally read and finish reading Infinite Jest. I had no idea that Infinite Jest would become the target of a mass online book club. I just knew that I couldn’t call David Foster Wallace my favorite writer with any air of legitimacy until I had finished the Big Book.

But oh, I got so lucky to have Infinite Summer was there for me.

I am certain I would have had a much more difficult time with Infinite Jest had it not been for Infinite Summer. Infinite Summer made the entire experience a thousand times more fulfilling, and it made me so much more motivated to Keep Coming Back than I would have been if I were reading it on my own. The book is so much to digest. Digesting it with a community of other readers–even if I never was an active participant on the forums–was invaluable.

When I got to the end of the book, it was midnight, and while midnight = bedtime, the only thing I felt like doing was running around in circles and tearing my hair out. I’m not trying to spoil any potential readers, but the ending of the book is exactly what you would expect it to be, which means it is an almost impossible, yet completely perfect, ending. The book does have the word “infinite” right there in the title, so it’s not like I was expecting Hal Incandenza and Don Gately to happily ride off into the Great Concavity’s sunset, but I was not fully prepared for how it ended.

So, I rushed to my computer to read the thoughts of other people who had finished the book. I was able to find a blog post that came up with a theory for the ending, and while reading that felt a little like cheating, it also gave me the peace of mind I needed to find closure.

Reading this book, of all books, with a community of readers made it a much more satisfying and meaningful reading experience than any I have had in a long time. I am so happy the universe gave me the help I needed to finish this goal.

Now that I have read all the 1,079 puzzle pieces of pages, I can see why people say it is their favorite book. I can see why people say it changes their life. Most of all, I can see why everyone said they felt like they needed to immediately start reading again from the very beginning. The end is the beginning; the beginning is the end. One might say it’s like a circle. A circle in which one travels INFINITIVELY. (Har har!)

The book has been lodged in my mind ever since I finished it, and my brain keeps piecing together bits of information in new ways. Even though I finished the book, I have this feeling I am going to keep coming back to it, until I pick it up again.

Next up, I am totally going to reward myself with an Enfield Tennis Academy t-shirt. I can’t figure out which name to put on the back. Gately? Because Don Gately is my favorite character? (Seriously, the scene in which the utter sincerity of his cooking is described made me cry.) Even though he (obviously) didn’t attend ETA? I am open to suggestions, here.

Why iCarly Is The Best Comedy on Television*

I love television. Television is not only entertaining when it’s good, but it also brings people together, can provide non-chemical based escapism, and is inexpensive. I love having a TV show I enjoy so much that just watching it becomes one hell of a festive F-ing occasion.

Lately, I have felt betrayed by my favorite television shows. There is nothing deserving of festivity. Shows that I was previously madly in love with are either no longer on the air (“Pushing Daisies”) or are now pathetic shadows of their former selves (“The Office”). There are shows that I enjoy on an intellectual level, but that for whatever reason don’t hook me on a visceral level (“Mad Men”). And there are shows that I still hope can live up to their potential, but which have been disappointments so far (“Glee”–though I am more than willing to place the blame on FOX for that mess of inconsistent writing).

NBC’s premieres of their Thursday night comedies used to be something I hotly anticipated with cupcakes and parties and excited butterflies in my stomach.

Right now, there isn’t a show to get excited about. There is nothing event-worthy. Then I realized that my sister and I were planning our Saturday night around the airing of a new episode of iCarly.

Dan Schneider, the executive producer and writer for iCarly posted a blog today about adult fans of iCarly–and how there are more of us than one would think. (“There are dozens of us! DOZENS!”)

As much as I have been unwilling to accept the fact that iCarly makes me laugh more than any other show on TV right now, it is the shameful truth.

The thing is that iCarly is really well written. It doesn’t let a moment of the show go to waste, and its pop culture parodies are perfect.

The most recent episode had a parody of Bobby Flay (the Food Network chef) named Ricky Flame. When Ricky Flame was cooking on iCarly, he finished his spaghetti tacos with sauce he squeezed out of a squirt bottle. I am guessing that most of iCarly’s target audience may not be familiar with the fact that Bobby Flay has an over-fondness for sauces that he squirts out of squirt bottles. But I am familiar with it! The joke wasn’t in there because 8-14 year olds were necessarily going to find it funny; it was in there because it is funny.

The more I think about the show, the more impressed I am with it. And, almost strangely, it seems like the show is getting funnier and smarter with each new episode. Apparently iCarly, despite the fact that it is primarily targeted for tween girls, is the show this season that I’m going to be excited about. On the one hand, I am delighted that there is a team that puts so much thought into what is technically a children’s show.

On the other hand, I kind of want to shake everyone else in television, because come on, Greg Daniels. iCarly made me laugh more than the season premiere of The Office, a show for which I actually did a years-long a podcast. Come on. Isn’t it maybe time that everyone else got their act together?

* This is an unfair, hyperbolic statement to make, because, of course, there are many comedies on television that I have never watched. And also, you know, superlatives are according to personal taste and all. Plus, SNL hasn’t premiered yet, and I am really pretty fond of SNL. Also, The Daily Show is really consistently smart and funny. But none of this makes iCarly less freakishly good.

Conversations I’ve Had In My New Neighborhood, About My Dog

1.

(I am walking my dog down the street one over from mine. There are two houses next to one another, with people sitting on the front porches. One house has a old man sitting on the porch. The other house has a young couple sitting on the porch.)

Old Man: THAT… is a nice poodle you have got there.

Me: (not wanting to get into conversation about how it’s actually a bichon frise) Thank you!

(I smile in a “Hello, there!” type of way to the couple in the house next door.)

Old Man: I will give you a hundred dollars for that poodle.

(I try to determine whether or not the old man is joking or serious. As best I can tell, he is serious.)

Me: Oh, this dog is pretty cranky with people he doesn’t know! You’d end up paying me to take him back!

Guy From The Young Couple: Hey, that could be a great deal for you!

Me: You’re right, it could work out really well for me!

(I walk away, feeling that there has been a natural conclusion to the conversation. I am several houses away before I hear…)

Old Man: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRR.

* * * * *

2.

(I am walking down the sidewalk on my street. I see two small kids, a boy and a girl, run out into the middle of the sidewalk. They are staring at me and Felix excitedly as we approach. I dread, because I know what they want, and I hate telling kids that they can’t pet my cute, fluffy dog.)

Kids: CAN WE PET YOUR DOG?!?!?!?!?!

Me: Oh, I’m sorry. He’s really shy with people he doesn’t know. I’m afraid that’s not a good idea.

(The kids stare at me in silence, as kids always do after I tell them they can’t pet my dog.)

Kids’ Dad, standing on the porch: See? I told you.

Little Girl: But that’s why we asked.

Kids’ Dad: No, I don’t understand why you’re so hung up on DOGS. You don’t have to pet EVERY DOG. It’s just a DOG.