1.
(I am walking my dog down the street one over from mine. There are two houses next to one another, with people sitting on the front porches. One house has a old man sitting on the porch. The other house has a young couple sitting on the porch.)
Old Man: THAT… is a nice poodle you have got there.
Me: (not wanting to get into conversation about how it’s actually a bichon frise) Thank you!
(I smile in a “Hello, there!” type of way to the couple in the house next door.)
Old Man: I will give you a hundred dollars for that poodle.
(I try to determine whether or not the old man is joking or serious. As best I can tell, he is serious.)
Me: Oh, this dog is pretty cranky with people he doesn’t know! You’d end up paying me to take him back!
Guy From The Young Couple: Hey, that could be a great deal for you!
Me: You’re right, it could work out really well for me!
(I walk away, feeling that there has been a natural conclusion to the conversation. I am several houses away before I hear…)
Old Man: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRR.
* * * * *
2.
(I am walking down the sidewalk on my street. I see two small kids, a boy and a girl, run out into the middle of the sidewalk. They are staring at me and Felix excitedly as we approach. I dread, because I know what they want, and I hate telling kids that they can’t pet my cute, fluffy dog.)
Kids: CAN WE PET YOUR DOG?!?!?!?!?!
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. He’s really shy with people he doesn’t know. I’m afraid that’s not a good idea.
(The kids stare at me in silence, as kids always do after I tell them they can’t pet my dog.)
Kids’ Dad, standing on the porch: See? I told you.
Little Girl: But that’s why we asked.
Kids’ Dad: No, I don’t understand why you’re so hung up on DOGS. You don’t have to pet EVERY DOG. It’s just a DOG.
Disappointing kids and the elderly. That’s not very Schnitzelburgian of you. *shakes head*
(I wrote this when you posted, but due to The Man have only *now* had the chance to reply.)
So, let me get this straight: For men, dogs are totally chick-magnets. For women, dogs are…a liability? First we own cats and they stereotype us as crazy and now they’ve tainted our ownership of DOGS? What is next? GERBILS? Is nothing sacred?!?!?
You know, this happens to my mom. She owns a very crotchety-old-man Shih Tzu named Toby that is the most adorable-looking thing on the planet. Upon meeting him for the first time, everyone wants to pet him, which of course is out of the question. He’s not a very nice or patient dog and my mom denies all requests to pet him. Needless to say my mom and Toby have *quite* the reputation in the neighborhood–and they haven’t done anything wrong!
The way I get around this problem (because my Boston Terrier is cute as a button) is to where earbuds while I walk her. I can make eye contact and I can smile and nod without worrying about feeling obligated to actually speak to anyone. Sometimes I also take my iPod.