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Archive for August, 2009

1.

(I am walking my dog down the street one over from mine. There are two houses next to one another, with people sitting on the front porches. One house has a old man sitting on the porch. The other house has a young couple sitting on the porch.)

Old Man: THAT… is a nice poodle you have got there.

Me: (not wanting to get into conversation about how it’s actually a bichon frise) Thank you!

(I smile in a “Hello, there!” type of way to the couple in the house next door.)

Old Man: I will give you a hundred dollars for that poodle.

(I try to determine whether or not the old man is joking or serious. As best I can tell, he is serious.)

Me: Oh, this dog is pretty cranky with people he doesn’t know! You’d end up paying me to take him back!

Guy From The Young Couple: Hey, that could be a great deal for you!

Me: You’re right, it could work out really well for me!

(I walk away, feeling that there has been a natural conclusion to the conversation. I am several houses away before I hear…)

Old Man: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAARRR.

* * * * *

2.

(I am walking down the sidewalk on my street. I see two small kids, a boy and a girl, run out into the middle of the sidewalk. They are staring at me and Felix excitedly as we approach. I dread, because I know what they want, and I hate telling kids that they can’t pet my cute, fluffy dog.)

Kids: CAN WE PET YOUR DOG?!?!?!?!?!

Me: Oh, I’m sorry. He’s really shy with people he doesn’t know. I’m afraid that’s not a good idea.

(The kids stare at me in silence, as kids always do after I tell them they can’t pet my dog.)

Kids’ Dad, standing on the porch: See? I told you.

Little Girl: But that’s why we asked.

Kids’ Dad: No, I don’t understand why you’re so hung up on DOGS. You don’t have to pet EVERY DOG. It’s just a DOG.

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